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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Disease

I try so hard to ignore that I have lupus. But at this moment it's impossible. I want to scream, yell, and cut my feet and hands off at the hands and ankles to stop the swelling, burning, rolling overly sensitive tingling like sensations. Plus- I'm stumbling all over the place and keyboarding like a well trained chimpanzee.

I forgot to bring what ibuprofen I left home from my office, so stupid- these sensations are always worse when I have my period. In the past couple of months I've developed a delightful new symptom of a rash that appears as a light bumpy rash- itchy of course- all over my body.

I went to sleep at 12:30 but woke up at 2am because to the burning tingling in my feet and hands- it's so uncomfortable. Excruciating. This symptom I've actually experienced since I was a kid but it' so much more extreme now. So, now I'm awake, totally exhausted, rubbed campo phenique and hydro-cortisone over all my extremities, and have slammed 3 glasses of wine in 20 minutes. Starting to feel slightly better- I think mostly due to the booze.

Also, I finally, after a year and half, went and talked to doctors here in Korea. Unfortunately, they are in firm agreement with my American doctor that I do, indeed, have lupus. Silver lining- I joined several online support groups and I'm reading about a bunch of people with the exact symptoms I experience. Comforting in a misery loves company kind of way. Plus some good advice on coping. None of which includes the wine I'm slamming, most of which says to take anti inflammatories. Which I left at work. So wine it is. Along with the hope that it starts to let up by tomorrow because there is no way I'm strapping on skates when I'm this stumbly, fumbly.

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